DARWIN & LOVE

As far as I know, eventually women desire more protection from their partners. This is rather a difficult issue for the man because he has to face a problem she can't explain better, but still she'll never back down.

So the man may think “Don't I provide her with food, a house, a car alarm, health care, life insurance and so on? Do I need to earn more money?”. After this purpose, a man could get down to work towards a promotion, but she will just complain more and this path ends up in an annoying misunderstanding.

On second thought, a male may figure out he doesn't look brave enough so that she may feel scared hanging around the city. After this idea, you'll see him in gym pretending to be or to become a tough guy, but again she wont stop complaining.

Actually it all comes down to this: women are genetically programmed to make a mountain out of a molehill. Protection is the evolution of love-desire which is the evolution of sexual-desire. If we Come up with a solution for the latter, therefore the former will end up disappearing.

Were the males to be Mechanical Woodpeckers, women would never feel unprotected.


-Klara Murnau's picture-

WERE SEX TO BE POLITIC, ITALY WOULD HAVE LUBE INSTEAD OF GOD

Fisting is a rather weird kink. The first time is painful, the second time it's still painful but you are learning how to take it, from the third time on you are asking for more. That's why Italians elected a prime minister 3 times whose hand they wouldn't hold because he fisted an entire nation.

Despite coming in for a lot of criticism he lubed us with women, smiles and jokes. One of his jokes is him breaking up a FAO's conference about the hungry in he world coming up with “Well, the meeting is over, let's go to eat altogether”. You are sweetly taken in by the lies and get fucked by a man who has plenty of women and makes you laugh.

Right now we have Mario Monti, the new prime minister imposed by UE, but Italians are pissed-off pretending like “We didn't elect him!” but, were democracy to be catching on in Italy, the Church would pay taxes. It doesn't. Facing reality, we don't suffer the lack of democracy more than the lack of lube and Mario Monti can't even smile.

Speaking about lubes, I bring up last but not least the Pope issue. Just after his election it came up that Ratzinger was responsible for covering up paedophile priests all around the world during the John Paul II era. Somewhere I read that were he not to be elected Pope, which means Head of State and immunity, he would be processed in the USA for such a crime with a tremendous amount of money lost for the Church. Thus God comes across as a much more effective lube than floosies and comedians.

Therefore politicians need God and, because God needs to shine and gold is what shines more, he can count on politicians. What do they have in common? Both fuck people, pretend to be good-Shepherds and fight against homosexuality. Thus Italy ends up being like the “120 days of Sodoma” of De Sade: “Chick on the pillow, ass up in the air and 10 Paternoster for your sins Italy”.

-Picture by Tico Sugar-

LOCK 'N LOAD MAIDS!

Were the world to be ruled by women, we would have only one week per month of war. And it would be like: “Well girls, from now on, we are not speaking to Afghanistan!” (Daniele Luttazzi)

How do they canalize such energy?

In the wake of the research of groups of American scientists, it turned out that “cleaning things” is addictive. The test was as follows:

Firstly: Give to a group of 154 wives (154 is too weird not to be true) 154 vacuum cleaner.

Secondly: Give to their 154 husbands, not telling to the wives, 154 red laser pointers.

Finally: Scream as if you are Leonidas “Women, there's plenty of ants in that room. Clean it!”

After 10 hours of raging cleaning job, no wives were tired. Even though the wrists of the males are well trained since adolescence thanks to Lara Croft's boobs, after 10 hours of painful swirling of red laser dots 154 dots were tired but one. The cleaning women leader went to the last exhausted red dot standing and like Braveheart sad: “I'll let you live, thus you can tell others what you have seen!”

HAD THE COLOSSEUM BOOBS MADE OF STONE, ITALIANS WOULD BE IRISH

Not considering whiter skin and red hair, there are no big differences between Italians and Irish but one.

The “philosophical essay” of the day is titled: “Whereas Italians are used to give proof of their own heterosexuality even with sheep, goats and Bambi; the Irish are homosexual before the fourth Guinness”.

It All begun with Molly Malone. She was the first prostitute of Dublin, thus she had a statue in the centre of Dublin.

Now, if I were born in a city with the Iron version of the best whore of Ireland, believe me, I would be gay too. She is Gorgeous! Let's have a look at this from the point of view of a Dubliner. You got drunk, you spent the night lying at Molly Malone's iron feet fancying about very despicable sex with such an Iron boobed lady, then you wake up and, from that moment on, you can never have sex with a common “flesh and blood” woman. That's why the Irish need Guinness Googles to fuck women. They are right! Her iron boobs could make me horny even if I'm not drunk and I rue the day God made women of flash and bones!

If God had took the cardiac-bypass instead of Adam's rib, Guinness would not exist!

Actually, despite Irish culture, such a problem is typical of the Internet age. Today boys are too attracted by porno actress seen on porn-tube thus they can no more find common women attractive. Freedom of speech turned out to be freedom of pornography, therefore a strong alternative to sex so that you need it only for procreation. Pornography is a sign of a God! That's my theory.

At this point we can remark the fact that the Irish, unlike other countries, thanks to Molly Malone's experience are avoiding the “sex on the web” Era and still have the guts to procreate a lot.

“Sex Happens” in Ireland like “Shit Happens” in the USA. You just step on it. And it brings luck!

Then, what about Italians? We fuck. It's because, even though we are in Europe, we still can't speak English so we can't look for the word “Porn Tube” on Google. And the Colosseum doesn't have boobs.

Believe an Italian boy writing about sex in English from Ireland.

A WORLD WHERE GETS AIDS WHO DOESN'T FUCK

Were the world to be perfect, it would be without virgin teenagers. Despite this, still we overestimate the leadership of a virgin man who used to speak to fishermen, zombie (Lazzaro) and a guy with stinky hands because of a repulsion to touching water (Ponzio Pilato). Jesus, on the one hand was good, he really spoke to folks better than any nerd did in history. On the other hand he just skipped the instrument of happiness: sex. No, it's not Love. Love is what you hope for when you can't pay a nurse.

Anyway, our culture speaks awkwardly to a teenager, it's like: “If you have sex, Jesus may get pissed off”. It's like, if someone shares a video of himself on porn-tube, you will be there to be pissed off.

We should have crucified Lady Gaga instead of Jesus Christ. And Jesus should have been Peter to build a Church on Lady Gaga's chronicles. That would have been a kick-ass religion!

I have both on my FB, Jesus and Lady Gaga, and I'm still looking forward to the day I will read “Jesus Christ and Lady Gaga are in a relationship”. With such a thing at least our culture would speak to teenagers like: “Jesus does it better, because he is LadyGagolic”.

Even atheists wish they were fundamentalist.

Our culture would be damn fashionable, the economy would get improved thanks to slogans like “Buy Latex, not war” and psychoanalytical problems' will fade out thanks to stickers like “Sex happens”.

IF ONLY WE HAD THE PILL OF HAPPINESS

If only heroin was free, we would have a bunch of social improvements. Firstly, life would be so much better because people would be more chatty. Secondly health care would no longer be an issue if we were dead before 40. Finally, even drugs, if we were all addicted to heroine, would no longer be an issue. Everyone is doing it, so who cares?
The point is, we all should love a device to produce heroin for our family. Naturally it would be based on your age, body weight and addiction level because, of course, a child can’t get the same dose as an adult; it would be a waste of money.
Life would be so much better with heroin. It would be more effective for global peace than holding each other's hands all around the world like a fence. Not only, I’m also pretty much sure that sex couldn’t be nearly .as effective. In fact, to get some sex, you would have to pay for a dinner or a prostitute/hooker and, however, you would still have no guarantee of achieving it but you run the risk of getting into a relationship. J. Deleuze said: “To solve psychoanalytic problems, health care should provide a Mistress for everyone” That was one hell of a Philosopher! But to compare Heroin with such a perversion, we could survive over 40 years old and then the health care would be an expensive issue. That’s the philosophical reason why heroin is better than psychoanalysis, sex and sadomasochism.
Despite this, we still adore a man that, turned 33, hanging to a cross, said “No!” to a little bit of a drug meant to avoid pain before death. I just don’t get it.

This Be the Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

The fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to mean.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.

-Philip Larkin-